Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize