eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
