I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you have to choose: penises or morals?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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