They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
