My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
