I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
