I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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