Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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