Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
