I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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