check it out our google latitudes are spooning
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
