the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
tequila makes me forget i have legs
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
