so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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