Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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