I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
