guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
