We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
