I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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