Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
