My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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