Pregnant stripper...not hot.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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