I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
this beer tastes like vomit already
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize