I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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