I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My hand turned me down
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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