you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize