I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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