I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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