remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
