Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
