thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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