I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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