We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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