You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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