yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
