im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so let's talk penis.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
