the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
