Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
NoShamevember. You game?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
