we have pet lesbian snakes
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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