i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
