Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
