Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
