hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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