member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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