Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
