Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
is wine microwaveable?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
