Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
