im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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