dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
