I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
worst night to have a conscience
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
