Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I have already put on my inside pants.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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