Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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