meet me or not, i'm out of control
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
