Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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