I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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