I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
