How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
