Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Floor bacon is actually really good
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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