Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
