I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
