I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
