Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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