2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
