I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
