I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
