I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
