btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
