I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
