She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
