Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
