i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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