I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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