Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
